i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize