im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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