Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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