some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
