went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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