OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
