She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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