They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
