Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
