she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
