best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
