Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
