He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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