Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
