Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
