Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
