I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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