When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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