You smell like stripper and shame
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
