if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
