I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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