True but thats because hes a fetus.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
