Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We need to get me chipped asap
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
