As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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