And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize