If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just gargled with NyQuil
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
