He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My hand turned me down
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
