you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize