I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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