The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
