The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
