I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
home. puking in laundry basket.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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