One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
