Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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