Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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