Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
