Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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