I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
