I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
