Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
