mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
