can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
