Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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