This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize