but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You dont lie about slip and slides
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
