thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize