that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
