You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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