Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
