I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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