it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize