Do you still have your period?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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