I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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