**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
