I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
