meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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