if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
