The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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