a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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