wat bout pragnant strippers??
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
