Already got asked if we're dating
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
