just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize