You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize