Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
