I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
