Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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