So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
