Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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