dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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