I smell stomach acid.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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