Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
