Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
