You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize