With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
