Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
