He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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