ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
