Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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