Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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