youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
