these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
