I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
