This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
