Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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