it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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