Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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