she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
