I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
