He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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