Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well I just put wine in my tea
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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