you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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