6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
