i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
