Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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