I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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