A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
