Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
