my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
